The Consequences of Truth

The other day I wrote some truths that i had been feeling and denying for a long time about a show I was associated with. Please note the past tense language use is not a typo. We are no longer associated. Purely a decision on their part.

See after writing and posting my post, I meditated on it. Knowing this piece of me was on display and they still had no idea how I had felt, was troubling to me. I felt like eventhough the feelings had passed with my writing, that the residual energy mixed with their unknowing would poison the circle when i entered it. So I lit my candle, said my prayer, did a meditation for several days. What came to me as an answer was "share your truth, so truth may show its face". I took it as a possibility to spark conversation with people i had grown to care for. An opportunity for us to have a real conversation about how alienated I am made to feel sometimes in this space I love so much. I thought, clearing the air before Friday was necessary. It would be a good thing.

So I shared my post. With explination of why I write in my blog space. Because it is my safe space. It is the only place I feel my truth is accepted and not judged, because well. ... Lets face it, i have a readership of 2. One is my faithful unknown follower, the other is me as I proofread for gramatical errors. Even with the unpredicted occasional browser, its not a blog that can/will ruin the life of anyone. It is just me, documenting my time in this transitional place of my life. [I'm digressing.]

So I send them the link to my post. What follows is silence for most of the day. Until late in the night, like almost 2am when the angry phone calls begin. I pick up because I am awake and I am thinking, cool they want to talk. No they don't. (I am paraphrasing, as to not rehash the almost anger i had at the time) They call to dictate to me what I will and won't do. They call to tell me I'm crazy. That I am no longer welcome even as a paying customer in the space. That my measly, insignifigant blog was damaging and hurtful to them, thus burning bridges. WOW!

Never had I imagined this response. I truly thought that they were of more rational minds. I found I was wrong. As I recounted my motivation for writing and eventually sharing my post, my lady friend refocused my attention to the answer I had received. I thought about my feelings. Searched my spirit. I knew this was their truth. That with these late night phone calls, and many early morning text messages, they had finally shown their true face to me. And I am okay with that. I am okay with them not being apart of my life any longer. What now?

Our paths are bound to cross in the future, we have many of the same aquaintences and friends. We attend many of the same events. I will even be serving on a Board of Directors with one of them, so eventually we will interact. But I am not worried about it. I am at peace with all of it. You may ask why? What could/would allow me to be okay with a loss I considered major? The difference is me. It took a day of cuddling with my bubbly princess, an early morning meditation, and the council of a trusted friend for me to remember that I am different. I am not the same woman I was last year or even last week. I am certain and strong in my character. The people that are genuine will not abandon me because of someone else's biased opinion of me. I know who I am. Better yet, I love who I am and know that other love me too. I know who I want to become and I am well on my way to becomming. I am no longer the broken woman, desperate for attention and love. I am love, at least becoming it. People are attracted to my energy.  I do not need to go to that specific space to meet someone, I am confident enough to venture out to other spaces alone and talk to people that are interested in me. Because I am interesting. My life is full and satisfying, and beautiful and complete in its ever evolving way. So it is okay to let go of this space. Whether to form my own or simply discover new ones, it is okay to let go. This space doesn't need me and I don't need it. We'll be okay without each other. And I golden with that.

Love & Light,

C. Joi Sanchez
www.jsanschez.wordpress com