#322 (speaking of dreams)

My whole life I've always had vivid, almost life like dreams. Some predicting events moments or days before they happened. Some leaving me with a foreboding feeling. But all of some significance if & when I can remember them.
Since entering my Saturn, I've had more dreams then ever before. Usually I can't remember the actual content but my spirit remains stuck in the feelings associated with it. There are many re-occurring themes that threaten my sanity on a daily basis. They tie up my real life in unfocused, unresolved thought. When I think on them, I reason that I'm probably repressing myself and need to make a lot of uncomfortable finalized decisions about myself and my life's path.
One dream I've had several times, I had it today as a matter of fact, I awoke in a post-apocolyptic world a few years from now. Possibly 2018 or so. The various governments of nations of the world are creating a new world wide legislation. I can't tell if I still live in New York, as natural disasters have shifted the current geography of the earth. The island of manhattan has floated somewhere off the coast of England. (Don't ask, cause I don't even know how I would have survived in the first place) Anyway, I am also not the me of now, I am somehow 20. I have no children, I am some type of artist (not the starving kind but then again no one else is struggling either in this dream senario). So a civil movement has broken out amongst the people in the region I live in and is rapidly spreading through out the world. I first notice small differences in my social circle, slowly friendships dissolve until one day I open my front door to soldiers. Wrapped in a towel half naked I am staring at the barrel of a M-16 being asked on which side I stand. I ask them to repeat the question to which the soldier replies "are you with us or them?" I ask who them is. He says "the straits." To which I respond "neither, I stand on the line of neutrality, I am bisexual". He promptly informs me that bisexuality is illegal and shoots me in the face. And I wake up with tears in my eyes. The End.
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My 28th bucket list

1. Skydive on a beautiful day
2. Publish an anthology
3. Sing on a public stage
4. Permanently quit smoking cigarettes
5. Gone on a caribbean cruise
6. Commit myself to a dance class
7. Create & commit to a daily routine.
8. Attend a talk/game show I like/actually watch.
9. Save $10,000
10. Own a pair of Christian LeBoutain shoes
11. Throw a theme party
12. Climb a mountain.
13. Record an original song/record.
14. Go on a fishing trip.
15. Sail a boat.
16. Visit Mexico & Canada
17. Maintain a minimum balance of $300 for a year.
18. Make the minimum monthly payment on all my cc bills.
19. Obtain my drivers license.
20. Buy/lease/rent a car.
21. Take a road trip with friends.
22. Make it to yoga class 3 times a week for at least a month.
23. Crash a private party.
24. Participate in/create a scavenger hunt through out NYC.
25. Go to Mardi Gras/Brazilian Carnival
26. Learn to ski.
27. Take a glass blowing &/or pottery class.
28. Earn my bachelor's degree.
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#212

I often get the feeling that he will never be satisfied with just being. Not trying to make things work but rather allowing them to work naturally in their own ways & time. I often believe that I know his mind better than I know my own. Like how he thinks this marriage is convenience rather than an unfulfilled desire. Similar to when your stomach aches
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