8.24: hope

I'm often told by my father that he is guided by his everlasting spring of hope. It is his faith that things will work out & his hope that they do, that has allowed him to be so lucky for so long. I wish it was a genetic trait that I inherited. Instead I am the eternal dark cloud. Carrying my woes inside until I burst.

I don't remember exactly when it was that I lost my faith. I remember being a young, exuberant, excited woman. I used to love life & its possibilities. I could've had nothing but whatever was inside of me never let me falter. I had hopes, I had dreams but then I had kids. And once they entered my life, my home in the clouds was no longer safe. The instability I once enjoyed transformed into a treadmill of maintenance. A constant chase to provide for those souls I had manifested into being.
When I look into the mirror now all I can see are the hollow wells staring back. A vacant space between flesh. This woman I see has allowed the evils of the material world sink their teeth into her and suck her dry. There's no belief in the seemingly impossible. There are no dreams this being strives for. There is only desperation. She is barely holding on. And its up to me to save her/my life. Its my duty to remind myself that there is still something to believe in. That I do still want more from my life then what society says I have to accept in my position. I now look at this woman and breathe into her soul the spirit of our ancestors. The spirit that says everything is achievable when one believes. Because the "magic" that makes the impossible possible begins with belief. Just as the world laughed at the invention of the car, and now we couldn't imagine life without it. Because that person believed. They held onto hope in their heart as they traveled on their journey through this life. I whisper to her that "this too shall pass" because no storm ever stands still. One day the sun will shine on us again. Until it does, I will hold her tight, never letting her fall. For our fates are entwined, and I have no intention of giving up.
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