It irritates me that as much as we talk about how important it is for us to support each other, he still doesn't. Our relationship is still one sided on so many levels. And yet he'll sit an wonder how it is I get to the point where I just don't want to be around him. He constantly wonders where the resentment comes from causing me to believe I'd rather do this alone than with him, because to me either way its the same shit. Daily I come home to a house that's not mine, yet I support it financially and physically and get nothing but blank stares of misunderstanding when its clear I need to get some rest. I get looked at sideways for expressing my pain whether vocally, subliminally, or privately in my writings. So I don't write. I hold back my frustrations with a damn that is way past its breaking point. And so it continues. The waters remain still because I swallow what it is I want to be screaming it from the rooftops.
It makes me wonder if this is what womanhood really is. Submission through the defeat of one's will power.
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