"I am trying to become who I would've been without you because I hate who I am because of you"
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Friday, October 29, 2010
#5 (live your life)
I am afraid that I have found the truth about myself but am just scared to admit to it. Because I am in conflict internally. What I was raised to believe and emulate is not what I have determined to be right for me.
I guess that's a major part of this final movement into adulthood. And there is the likelihood of my decisions being a contradiction to who I claim to be. But I make no promises, and therefore should be okay.
I choose the path of wisdom & pain over ignorant bliss any & everyday.. Because life I find, is too long for me not to know more. And sometimes pleasure/bliss can spring from pain. Pain passes over time, fades away until there is nothing left but perfection.
I'm terrified to leave what it is I thought I knew. A lie, a life of comfort. But to feel something is better than nothing. To aspire for impossible dreams is better than shuffling through a haze of disappointment. I don't want to constantly see failure in my reflection. Unhappiness, a secret smile hidden beneath layers of worry, stress, & sorrow. I want to be free spiritually & emotionally yet still honor my responsibilities as a woman to myself and others.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
I guess that's a major part of this final movement into adulthood. And there is the likelihood of my decisions being a contradiction to who I claim to be. But I make no promises, and therefore should be okay.
I choose the path of wisdom & pain over ignorant bliss any & everyday.. Because life I find, is too long for me not to know more. And sometimes pleasure/bliss can spring from pain. Pain passes over time, fades away until there is nothing left but perfection.
I'm terrified to leave what it is I thought I knew. A lie, a life of comfort. But to feel something is better than nothing. To aspire for impossible dreams is better than shuffling through a haze of disappointment. I don't want to constantly see failure in my reflection. Unhappiness, a secret smile hidden beneath layers of worry, stress, & sorrow. I want to be free spiritually & emotionally yet still honor my responsibilities as a woman to myself and others.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
#6
Today is one of those days where if I had crossed the street I would have prayed to have been hit by a truck. The bigger the better. Honestly I hate days off because its never a real day off, its just more work. And there are days lie this, where I wake up feeling worse than loose bowels. More like road kill and less than human.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
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