I could complain about my schedule making no sense. Like the fact that I closed last night but was scheduled to be in at 10a. Ridiculous! Especially when considering that a closing shift doesn't really have an end time. So someone closing could leave anywhere between 12a and 6a. This is bullshit! We gotta start establishing time frames. I close and don't get off until 4am most times because unlike some ppl, I have standards. I ask my people for a lot. I see the details and get frustrated when their undone. My close last night was far from perfect. I may even get a write up for that as well. I recognize that if I let the other managers I close with do the final walk thru because I'm too busy closing down a section, I get screwed everytime. Cause I'll come walk it and end up re-working the racks' tying the ties, etc. Just doing all the little things that they didn't do. Its really just a huge catch 22.
Even with all that being true, it is also true that my chronic lateness is a serious problem. I have to find a way to get up on my own. Really I just need to find a way to not care so damn much about what I do to dedicate so much time to it. Even on days when I'm not working I'm up till all hours of the night because I can't fall asleep. I can't get my mind to stop wandering, or I am unable to stop the endless stream of inspiration. Some nights I sit up writing until 3 or 4am. Not really knowing what I'm writing or why. I just let it flow until my fingers are sometimes too cramped to move anymore. Times like that I miss a pen & paper. I could go longer writing the endless thoughts.
But I digress. My lateness is a serious problem. So is my attitude about it. Because shit happens but how is it that it happens so often to me? Shit can't possbly happen everyday to just me. So why do I feel it is okay to disrupt business and inconvenience others with my lateness? I'm truly thankful that I haven't been fired yet, but I know if I continue it'll happen sooner than later. And then what will I do?
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