I am a dreamer

I often sit in the windows of stores I can't afford to shop in and wonder what it'd be like to be rich
To be able to walk through the street without my stomach rumbling from the smell of foods I can't pay for
To be able to pay the cable bill, gas bill, electric bill, rent, telephone, car note out the same check and still be able to shop..
To be able to take my children to a movie or museum or some other overpriced educational fun place and not make up an adventure in the park or city streets
To take the train by choice not necessity
To take a lover home and not hope my electricity has been turned off
To get my degree without the burden of working half my life paying it back.
To be treated with respect even when dressed like a bum, cause they know my wrinkled shirt was designed that way and costs me $700..
To have people look my in the eye rather than head to toe before addressing me
But then
I think of the loneliness,
The paranoia,
and obligation often attached to that life style. And take stock of the genuine friends I have.
The faithful supportive family.
The countles
s generosities I've encountered.
The beauty of life I intake walking through the park.
The creative adventurous inquisitive spirit I will have instilled in my children.
The smiles & laughter I share on a daily basis.
the warmth of my heart.
And decided my wealth knows no bounds. Because I'm a dreamer.
And as long as I have my dreams I'll never be broke nor broken.
-j sans chez
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Sorry

Lover
I am sorry for your assumption of who you wanted me to be
Sorry that our love was nothing more than a self full filling prophecy
Self destructive
A time bomb ticking away
And our actions the detonator
I'm sorry we exploded
Or rather that I imploded with no fore warning
I'm sorry for leaving and
I not look back cause when I do
I'm just reminded of the pain that was caused
I'm sorry that I couldn't keep it together
That my fury was too heavy and too full for my breast to hold
Sorry for being too hot to handle
And Too cool to care
I'm sorry for
Apologizing for so long, I became sorry
Became another stereotypical female caught up in the illusion of love
And let myself fall to pieces and expected you to figure shit out
Sorry I fell in love with a fantasy and ignored the reality that
What we had was deep lust & longings
I'm sorry
That I was not ready to be tied down
No matter how much I liked to be tied up..
I am sorry that
All I can offer in return are these words
Of promise, these words of sorrow, that these words are all I have
The words are all I can give
These words to that heal my soul
And hopefully,
Eventually your heart.

-J Sans Chez
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Letter to a little king

Dearest son
My First born
My little king
I crowned you in the womb
I remember sitting up long nights while you kicked at my ribs and tickled my heart
Now 4 years later you stand half my height
And I'm shocked
how fast you've grown
How fast you go
How fast you came
I wasn't ready for you then,
I am ready now
to share everything I know with you
But I must pace myself
For all I have is my heart
& these words for you
And I know my love may overwhelm you at this young age
Because
All you want to do is play
And I want you to play
But I want to hold you in my arms the way I hold you in my heart
forever
This first step,
a small stone to the man you will one day be
And by hook or by crook you will be a man
You will not be a grown boy
walking around these streets
jobless
pants sagging,
empty pockets,
empty mind,
yet full of hubris..
Not my son
forever hold your head high,
stoic & strong
Like your ancestors
Iike your mother
A dreamer
Look to the clouds
Let's look for animals
And make up stories..
Cause you were meant to create
You who from your first steps moved fast & furiously through the world
Don't go to fast
Don't grow too fast
Take heed to the signs
Listen to the wisdom of your father
You have his eyes,
his smile
his drive
His want to know everything
But always remember you don't know everything
It takes time to learn
And you will learn
To listen,
To be easy,
take your time
Don't go too fast
Don't grow too fast
Cause all you want to do is play
And I want you to play
But first come give mommy a hug
I want to hold you in my arms like I hold you in my heart,
Forever.
-j sans chez
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile