I had an epiphany today. While high I realized that never in my life have I take a vacation. Not a real one where I don't do anything aside from things I enjoy doing. For the last 14 years I've been (for the most part) working non-stop ever since I was legally able to. And so I declare that for the next 6 months I will take a vacation from the seriousness of life. I will relax in the land of eternal sunshine & debauchery: Vegas. (Lol!) I will laugh with my mom & my daughter. I will care for my mental well being. I will meditate. I will visit Cali & Mexico & maybe even Canada. (Once I earn my drivers license & regain my mom's trust where cars are concerned)
I will live. I will not get bogged down in the land of overkill & burnout that is NY. Why continue to fight a losing battle? Or rather, why maintain the struggle?
I remember when I was younger, I thought my vast intelligence would have landed a luxurious cushy job by now. Had my life plan worked, I'd be on my way to early retirement at age 35. That was the plan. To go to college and attain a stable high paying job and retire at 35. Then I'd start my family life planning. Somewhere along the way though, around age 20, while in a place I didn't know and surrounded by strangers, I received the news that my grandmother had died. My boss at the time told me I couldn't leave for more than 3 days. I had to be back almost immediately. At that moment I made the decision that I didn't want to live this lonely life on the road all the time, only focused on making money, not making something greater of myself. So I quit, I came home to new york and buried my grandmother. I took my earnings & inheritance and settled into an apartment, went to school, fell in love, had some kids, and now here I am. 8 years later unemployed, separated, on the verge of homelessness in a pursuit of happiness and balance. But I'm not sad or weighed down by any of it. I love it. Had I known back then that there was this much joy to be found in living life, I would have jumped in sooner.
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