Today im finally completely unpacked and settled in to my temporary home away from home. My mom's spacious two bedroom house in henderson, nv. About a 15 minute drive from las vegas. Except I dont feel at home, I dont feel very much... It is easier that way. I dont curl up in a ball and cry my afternoons away. Instead I write, I draw, I look for things to amass to paint. I try to get through it so my daughter can be strong. So she doesnt see her mother as a hot mess. She can. Better adapt, I hope. Its my hope that she will, sooner than later, get accustomed to not seeing her brother and father everyday.
I know one thing is for sure, this will not be permenant unless we are all here. Its unfair to them, that they must suffer because their parents cant see, to get it together. And even when we, or better yet I, get it together, why should they remain apart. Its one thing for me to not be there, but to break a bond so deep has been hurting my heart since we concieved the plan.
During an evening walk with my daughter today, she began crying spontaneously. the one moment I dispise, happens daily, and all I can offer for comfort is a promise I hope I can keep.
Sent from Samsung mobile
