I have effectively been abandoned by my band of merry men (so to speak). But for one reason or another I will be alone for the scariest (and possibly stupidest) thing I've ever decided to do for my birthday. Honestly it's a little disheartening to have to be alone. But maybe that's how it should be. Maybe I was meant to go alone as a test of my will. having to face this fear of mine by myself may be the best thing. Having been alone for a while now, I am learning that there is a great deal of honesty one has with themselves when they are alone. We'll admit so much more when we're alone then if we are around someone else. The real problem is cab fare.. I have enough but don't.. Like I could afford the cab but then I probably won't eat for a couple days till getting paid. I'm not confident enough to walk from the train station, plus its hella hot out. Idk if walking would be the best idea. I could always reschedule the jump yet again. But considering how many times I've done it already and the gorgeous weather expected, I don't think I should take that chance. Besides, I can eat anytime. This wouldn't be the first time in my life that I skipped a couple meals.
I just feel something in my soul telling me that no matter what this jump must happen. I had an inclination that if I didn't jump out a plan, I might jump off a building. Like conquering this fear is connected to unlocking so much inside me that I hold on to. When really I just need to let it go. Going though the experience of having no control physically will some how push me to let go mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
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