Today, for reasons known only to my spirit, I wish I could crawl back into bed with my head tucked to my knees. I wish I could spend the morning hours drowning in my tears. When I was younger I would listen for the sound of a soul's departure. Usually random bouts of crying tend to be a prelude to the death of a loved one. I never know exactly who unless I dream about it in those moments of quiet between hurricanes of anguish. The forgotten peaceful sleep that comes with releasing what lays within my soul. Most times I don't remember the dream, so I am, at times, confronted with a shock in the aftermath of said storms.
But today can not be the day a loved one dies. Today I must be stoic in my appearance. I must be even-tempered, calm, patient, and kind. Because today I must work. I must force my brain to function. I must keep my spirits will at bay beneath my painted smile and cheery eyes. I hide within myself and prepare my mind for today.
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