This afternoon i awoke in a strange place. a place not my home or my own but felt comfortable.
Yesterday I was crushed by the last person I expected. Was is deserved, I don't know anymore. I'd question my actions and his motives but when all is said and done, there is nothing more to be said. No more words to say. The relationship has been over for quite some time, we both just too weak with hope to admit it to ourselves. Too afraid to be alone to admit it to one another, only to find ourselves alone anyway. Now I face the decision I've been avoiding for years. Do we split up our children or jut all the beans into one pot. He's an excellent father, bipolar tendencies aside he's also one of the best men I've ever loved. i just never given myself the opportunity to admit that one day it was destined to end between us because as good as we are alone, together we are toxic. It's a fact. Not a fantasy that I choose to believe. The past is full of evidence, I just wouldn't hear the case. uop't face the truth that holding on, only made the ropes fray faster. Until eventually you're forced to let go. The problem, we didn't fall back into love, we fell face first into insecurities and pain. In pain we reside. In silence we lived. In stress, hardship, and faith we continued on ignoring the signs.
but now is not time to wonder or to cry over spilt milk. Now it's time to make a plan, stick to it, and learn to live again. Without the restraints of one another. Without worry so much of what we've lost. Toni Morrison once said that the inability to let go of things, whether they be physical, mental or emotional, is a demonstration of a lack of faith. When we can let go, we make room for the blessings to come into our lives. Today I let go, of the past, the feelings that reside there, the dreams of yesterday, the disappointments, the expectations, and even the possessions of it. It is all gone and forgotten so I can remember that I deserve better in the future. I deserve to be better in the future. I deserve to give better in the future. And in the present I can be satisfied with the work I am doing to accomplish those things.
