Today someone told me I needed to "grow up & accept life", as if believeing that two people that love each other, is childish. I should have known better then to talk to this person because she is a friend of my (soon to be ex-)husband. She is not my friend. She is also blessed to have someone in her life that actually loves her. Her spouse seems to understand that you must work through problems together to solve them. While my spouse is content to run away. To dump hope and vows on the waste side and move on to ruin someone else's life. What she, and he, and everyone else telling me to "be strong" fail to realize is that divorce had never been an option for me until he forced it on me. I never considered it as an option. Because a broken home is/was not an acceptable station in life to put my children in. Its weak to say I can't do better then this for them. To say that our family is not worth the effort or time it takes to have a real and lasting relationship.
I know I just saying this because I am hurt. I am dead on the inside, to the point where I would prefer to not live through this. Everyday I wish I'd have just let him kill my body three years ago so that my heart, mind, and children didn't have to go through this now. I hate this. But it doesn't matter. What i want, believe, hope for. And as much as I am magic, I can't conjur a solution that doesn't result in him still leaving me.
C. Joi Sanchez
www.jsanschez.wordpress com
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