Meanwhile back at the ranch...

I'm s hobbling around on this crutch. Baby father is acting like a (insert adjective of choice here).  Job is picking up (so happily i won't be camera-less much longer). And my next show is right around the corner. As well as the need to finish pieces for an upcoming gallery show i'm features in. Not to mention, the holidays coming up.  Whooo!

Just writing that paragraph made my brain freak out just a bit. It seems my Saturn is a jokester. The better my professional life, the worse my personal life. I came to this conclusion after deep reflection on the first half of my saturn. Now that i am exactly 29 & 1/2 years old, i am at the turning point. That place where you can see where you went wrong by refusing to accept the reality of the your Saturn's lessons.

Earlier this year, i was ready to not be with J for a while, but i realize i didn't equate it with divorce because from the outlook of a marriage, this was just one of those bad times we go through. Something we would get through. But i was wrong. Like so many other times i had hope, i was wrong. We're getting divorced. For real. At first i was upset, so furious over the culmination of crap happening simulatneously that i lashed out in anger. I was losing the only stability in my life, the one person/relationship i could depend on, losing my family, lost my money maker, lost my home, and temporarily the use of my leg. Instead of allowing myself to begin the healing process, i just dug into the wound. Caused more pain on top of it, only to end up hurting myself again. And now he's trying to use that hurt against me by suing for full custody of our children, only allowing me supervised visitation rights. As if it is a necessary action. He defends it like a constitutional right. As if without this ridiculousness I'd ever be callous enough to keep our kids from him. Why would I relive history when my purpose is to rewrite it?
J§