today i lied, like really lied for the first time in a long time. i won't say what the lie was but it wasn't to anyone i actually knew. it was to a group of strangers. and it felt wrong when i said it but i couldn't stop myself. and then i continued on with the lie and it felt worse. to the point where i was sitting alone in the street sobbing simply because i knew i was lying and i could not turn back to to truth...
so why say anything now? maybe it's the act of anonymously unburdening my soul. even though it was a little lie, it was big enough to get a lot of attention from passersby in the street tonight. it put me in a position where i looked stupid and foolish. i looked like a jackass. there was no good reason for doing what i did, without giving it away. so i will say there was a good reason but i probably could have went about it another way. i didn't have to lie, i could've told the truth, which would have left me stuck and i didn't want to be stuck tonight. i didn't want to be a lot of things, but here i am the embodiment of them all with smudgy makeup and a stuffy nose. tear trails down my cheeks and not a soul that cares but me.
lesson learned universe, no more lies.
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