8.26/27: embrace life (relaxation, appreciation, celebration)

For the last few days it seems the only thing anyone has been able to talk about in this city is Hurricane Irene. Its been compared to the last great storm to hit NY over 100 years ago, and Katrina. While I hope neither ends up being the case, I am confident the city is taking these precautions for the safety of the public.
With that said I woke up today to read a text stating that we (my staff and I) would be accountable for all shifts we were scheduled for over the weekend. I learned that I (all management) would be on-call all weekend long, regardless of hours or requests. That if we were called-in, we would be obligated to fulfill those shifts. My company was serious, some stores went as far to threaten associates with disciplinary action against them if they didn't show up. So for the first time ever, I called out from work. I turned down a day of easy money to remain with my family. And I don't feel bad about it.
Its been so long since I had an entire weekend with my kids. To watch them, talk with them, and just hang out doing lazy family activities. They gave me the chance to catch up on some much needed sleep. I made some home cooked meals. It was great. The best part is that after this weekend I am no longer paranoid about the bond between them & I. With this separation lasting longer & longer, I was beginning to feel weighed down by guilt that they didn't love me anymore. I was obsessed with the feeling that they might begin to believe that I don't love them as much, or worse, at all. This weekend blew all of that away. It erased any doubt I had in my mind about being an unfit parent. It validated my choice to leave because even though I had a bad day yesterday, it was so much better than bad days of past. It confirmed my humanity. The fact that under whatever this is on my service, I am still very much human. Prone to error and filled with the ability to learn from my mistakes & grow to change.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile