I'm starting to lose my passion for my job. I realized this today while sitting through a meeting where little input was sought and all feedback I provided was seen as an attack. It concluded with me wondering why I was promoted in the first place. Or better yet why I accepted it. What I often hear is how much I'm not doing as a manager. At least not as an individual but as apart of a team with weak links. I don't need nor seek recognition for every little thing but a person does get tired of hearing only the negative, especially if they're not apart of the problem. It only makes me think that my efforts are for naught. What's the point of doing a good job or pushing myself to develop if I'm only to be lumped into the group which is seen as failures. Further more how am I expected to grow with little tutelage or training. I'm a smart person but even I know everything can't be learned in books. At some point someone needs to coach me the way I am supposed to coach associates. Its fine though. I'm starting to learn that if I fuck up, I can expect a warning and if I do good then expect nothing. it just makes me think, is this the place for me? Before I thought it was but everyday I'm less and less sure. I really hate that I'm starting to see this job in terms of a paycheck and not an opportunity to grow further like I did before. Its not a comforting thought. I didn't think I'd get to this place of acceptance so quickly. I really expected to be excited everyday to be coming to a place I loved working. Maybe I just don't fit into management. And that would be okay, but then the next step would be to decide exactly how I need to proceed to remain satisfied and not stagnant.
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